Does every parent spend entirely too much time sad/fearful/amazed at the fact that their kids get older? I know they do, and if you look back through my posts, I talk about it a lot so obviously I'm in that place in life. There are moments every single day that I stop for a second just to soak in that moment, knowing that it is fleeting and evolving. Last night it was when I was cuddling with Norah before bed and she demanded I hold her, "Hold me mimi!" (she calls me Mimi)
It's kind of a strange feeling for me. In those moments that I soak up I'm both sad and incredibly excited. I'm of course sad in the way of thinking how she won't always still be a baby toddler and she won't always ask me to hold her, I expected to feel that way.
What I didn't realize is that even in those moments I'd be incredibly excited for the things to come. I'm SO excited to see her grow up. Every day she does things that amaze me and I love seeing her grow into a fun, excited, creative, drum to her own beat little girl. Sometimes it is little things that others probably would give me a strange look about. You know, tilt their head to the side, scrunch their eye brows and shake their head in confusion (and maybe ask Siri for the number to some sort of helpline). Those little things that unless you are Norah's Mimi you probably won't care about - such as her being able to tell me what she had for snack at preschool, amaze me. Watching her grow mentally is so fun for me. Other times it is the big things, such as when she formulates a complex sentence that I've never heard her say before. Well... at least that is big to me :)
So I think my excitement for the future outweighs the sadness about her baby days fading. So I choose to soak in those fleeting moments and embrace the fun that is happening and the fun to come :)
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One Day...
If you walk into my house at 6am there won't be a screaming baby, barking dog and toddler repeatedly asking for yogurt and pancakes.
There won't be a million little hand prints on every window in my house that I need to wipe off.
I won't get peanut butter smeared all over my clean shirt right as we are walking out the door.
I will be able to walk in and out of a store without some sort of meltdown.
I will sleep all night.
The shows that I have recorded on DVR will get watched before the next week's episode airs.
I won't have a child have a diaper blow out in public leaving me trying to use a wipe to clean off my shirt.
I will go to the bathroom by myself and without a child knocking on the door/putting their hands under the door/yelling at me.
My kids won't wake up at 4am wanting to get in bed with us, taking up the entire bed, poking me in the face, kicking me in the back and wanting to have their face .15 of an inch from mine.
We won't inturrupt everyone at a restaurant when my child suddenly stands up and starts singing loudly.
I won't have to wipe a snotty nose.
We won't have to pay for a babysitter.
My house will be quiet and clean.
And I will be sad and want it all back.
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I have a card on my dresser that makes me smile. Back when I was dying had mastitis Norah got me a "Get Well" card. I think her daddy helped her pick it out, but she did the artwork all on her own. When she brought the card in the bedroom to me she looked so old as she handed it to me. I'm not really sure where my baby went, but she has been replaced by a child getting less and less baby-like by the day.
This was taken last May. One year ago.
She was still a baby (11 months). I love the amazingness that this almost 2 years old stage brings, it is so fun that she is saying new words every day! At the same time though... where did my baby go?! I know that no matter how much I stop to take in Wesley's baby moments that a year from now I will be looking back at pictures of him and wonder where in the world time went.
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